Mary Sue and Gary Stu: A Documentary
by Daisy Bokoblin
Summary: Starring: Yoshi as the narrator with the silky sweet voice! Peach as a homicidal director who probably shouldn't be allowed to do ANYTHING! Male Wire Frame with his eye patches! Mary Sue, in all her PERFECT glory! Gary Stu, in all HIS perfect glory! (Now with BONUS material: Behind the scenes commentary with Mary Sue's hapless victims- I mean, best friends!)
1. Chapter 1

**AN- NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN, NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU! NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY, NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE, NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE, AND HURT YOU!**

**...Well then.**

**Enjoy, if you can after what I just did.**

**Also, I'm an idiot! I'm posting yet ANOTHER story! Well guess what? I DON'T CARE. I HAD FUN. If you're reading one of my other stories... They'll be updated... Soon... Maybe...**

* * *

Wire Frames bolted back and forth wildly, preparing everything that needed preparation. The yard of the Smash Mansion was huge, and easily accommodated the Frames, filming equipment, and the star of the show.

"Yoshi!" Yoshi said angrily, the noise around him throwing him off. A host always needs to be prepared. "Yoshi yoshi, yoshi! Yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi-"

The dino's rant was cut off by a powder puff to the face, causing him to cough so violently a loose tooth flew out of his mouth and hit the Wire Frame in front of him. In the eye.

"AGH!" He screamed, clutching desperately at his face. "MY EYE!" A female Wire Frame ran over, clutching a eye patch that she found in a very convenient place.

"Here," She slipped it on his face, and ran away quickly, some other task now more important than the possibly half blind frame behind her.

The male Wire Frame glared viciously at Yoshi, though the dino couldn't help but notice it wasn't too threatening when done with only one eye. "Stupid Yoshi," he muttered, before striding off, powderpuff lying unused on the grass.

"Yoshi yoshi," Yoshi snickered at the retreating frame, before turning to the director of the film they were to shoot that day. The woman was sitting in a sleek director's chair, complete with director megaphone and director beret on her head. And all of it was hot pink.

"Keep it up, folks!" Princess Peach yelled into her megaphone, her voice a mix of eagerness and dictatorship. Though Yoshi didn't think it possible for a person's tone of voice to sound like 'dictatorship', Peach proved him wrong.

"Yoshi! Yoshi!" Yoshi walked up to the princess, asking her a very important, life-changing question.

"Hmm?" Peach looked down at him, confused. "What was that Yoshi?" Her facial expression turned dark. "WHO DIDN'T GET YOSHI HIS TRASLATOR?!" She screamed at passing Wire Frames, who ran for their lives. "HE'S GONNA NEED IT FOR THE SHOW, OR NO ONE'S GONNA KNOW WHAT THE HECK HE'S SAYING!"

A female came running up quickly, a strange neon purple pill in her neon purple hands.

"Here it is!" Peach giggled happily, snatching the odd pill from her serva- lack- _helper_. "Yoshi, you need to eat this," she knelt by the dino's side, holding the pill between two gloved fingers. "It will translate everything you say for the viewers."

Yoshi nodded, a smile growing on his face. He was going to be the best narrator ever! Who cared that this was his first ever documentary? Who cared if the show was going to be live, airing to every game universe at _once_? Yoshi sure didn't! He was cool as a cucumber.

Director Peach passed the translator pill to Yoshi, who swallowed it in barely a split second. Of course, barely a split second was barely enough time to swallow properly, and he started choking miserably.

Peach didn't notice, instead sitting on her sleek hot pink director's chair and yelling in her megaphone, "Everyone get ready- What is that awful sound? Did someone let their cat on set?!"

Luckily, a male wire frame nearby knew CPR (he looked awfully familiar, especially that stupid eye patch of his) and started saving Yoshi's life. Yoshi proceeded to repay him by coughing a translator-pill projectile at his _other _eye, effectively blinding him.

"MY OTHER EYE!" The frame screeched miserably, and Yoshi, after getting a few deep breaths, gave him a look.

The female wire frame that brought over eye patch number one happened to find another one (also conveniently placed), and placed it on the poor male frame's previously fine eye. Yoshi burst into hysterical bouts of laughter at the male Wire Frame now wearing _two _eye patches (no one could really blame the dino for laughing; the frame looked quite stupid).

The neon purple translator pill lay in the grass, covered in Yoshi spit and Wire Frame eye slime. Nonetheless, Yoshi swallowed it yet again, this time taking a full, safe second to do so.

"Can I speak? I can speak! Huzzah!" Yoshi said, every single person in the yard stopping and staring at him. The voice that came out of him… It was… Majestic! Deep, smooth as butter, and obviously British. Then everyone thought about how the dino said 'huzzah', and stopped wondering about his voice and instead about his choice of words.

"Okay people!" Peach said, clapping her gloved hands together. "It's time! Everyone, PLACES!"

The live documentary about Mary Sue and Gary Stu was about to begin.

* * *

"What does everyone want to watch?" In a quiet town, in a quiet home, a family was settling in to have their movie time. This particular town was in the Mushroom Kingdom, and this particular home was the house of a family of Koopa Troopas.

"I wanna see_ Small Villains 4_!" One of the younger male Koopas cried, "I heard from my best friend Koopa that the movie was great! Someone dies in it!"

"I don't want to see anything depressing, especially not that movie!" An older, girl Koopa scoffed, "It may be new, but probably boring. Who wants to watch something about 4 villains forming a supervillain group when one of their best friends is murdered?"

"I do!" The first Koopa sneered, and the two Koopa's got in a fight over _Small Villains 4_.

"What about this?" Mother Koopa said, looking in a directory (so old-fashioned). "It's called _Mary Sue and Gary Stu: A Documentary_! It could be interesting!"

Father Koopa nodded, "Yes, and not only interesting, but educational too!"

"Mary Sue?" Girl Koopa asked curiously, though she was trying to hide her curiousness to maintain her rebel teenager image. "What's a Mary Sue?"

"Guess we'll just have to find out!" Mother Koopa said happily, clicking through channels on their T.V. before stopping on 749. "Here it is!"

And they all settled into their big, comfy couch, ready to watch a wonderfully educational documentary.

The documentary started with a view of a huge mansion, and a silky voice narrating.

"Smash Mansion," the British narrator said, "is a wonderfully unique place. So many diverse fighters, all here to fight their way to victory. Most people already know this, because it's a very famous tourney." The camera cut to a Yoshi standing in front of the mansion's huge doors, a microphone held in his hands. "What most people don't know, is that there is another fighter." he continued, and the entire Koopa family couldn't help but stare in awe. That Yoshi was the source of the voice. They were kind of expecting someone… Hunkier. Or at least, humaner. "Another fighter no one knows anything about, save for the participants of the Tournament. Her name is Mary Sue," Yoshi said, eyeing the camera, trying to give it a scary look but failing, "and we're about to tell you everything about her. Welcome to-"

The camera panned on the mansion from a ground view, the screen darkening eerily before bright red words appeared.

_Mary Sue and Gary Stu: A Documentary_

The Psycho music played loudly, and Mother Koopa was beginning to wonder if she'd picked a _family friendly _movie.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN- "More of this?" **

**Yes, more of this. **

**"More of this BEFORE your other stories?! Not to mention all those oneshots you've been posting lately, ALL before some stories of yours that haven't updated in MONTHS!"**

**...Yes, I apologize for that. But here, have this chapter. I felt like writing it. Also, if you're reading my other ongoing stories, I apologize dearly. There are actually a few of them I want to rewrite due to them lacking sufficient quality (I'm looking at you, Super Smash Games.) Maybe the ones I wanna rewrite are actually good. Just not to me.**

**Anyways, thanks to all reviewers/favoriters/followers on this story! I did NOT think this would be as popular as it is (I was expecting one review. Maybe two. XD), and even though it's not necessarily MASSIVELY popular, it's definitely popular enough for me!**

**Hope you enjoy chapter two of this fic, and constructive criticism is what I use to improve, so if you have any, let her rip! And if you DON'T have any, well, reviews are very nice to get :)**

* * *

The screen faded back to Yoshi, who somehow gained an Elvis wig and plush purple bathrobe in the time taken by the title screen. He also lost his microphone, replaced by a boom mic overhead that kept slipping into the camera's view.

"Now, before we begin," Yoshi's voice was smooth as ever, "I'm sure you're all wondering; 'The Super Smash Brothers Tournament is a very big event. Why haven't I heard of Mary Sue?' Well, it's because she doesn't actually compete in the tourney." The dino took a small breath to continue, but froze as a huge crash was heard in the background.

Yoshi's eyes flashed off set, and then a man off camera yelled "I CAN'T SEE! HELP!" and he relaxed and turned back to the camera. "Don't worry," the Yoshi soothed the audience as if he could actually see them, "there are just a few technical difficulties. Nothing to worry about. Now, as I was saying, Mary Sue doesn't compete because-"

"CAN'T SEE!"

"-she isn't allowed to bec-"

"HELP ME!"

"Master Hand doesn't want her-"

"STUPID EYE PATCHES!"

"Oh, that is _it_!" Yoshi looked off to the side, "SOMEONE CATCH THAT DOUBLE EYEPATCH FRAME!"

The camera shook wildly, before Yoshi ran forward to steady the electronic. He looked right behind it, presumably at the Wire Frame filming.

"You keep filming me!" The British dino whispered harshly, probably trying to not be heard and failing. "Don't stop!" Then the camera shook for a moment before righting itself, focusing on a nervously smiling Yoshi.

"I'm sorry, dearest viewers!" Yoshi chuckled, somehow keeping any anxiousness out of his voice, "We were just experiencing some technical difficulties!" Another crash sounded, and Yoshi's eyes darted to his left. "Why don't we head inside this magnificent mansion and continue in there?" The dino turned and walked the few feet to the door, looking at the camera with a smile as he swept the door open. They walked inside, and the door clicked shut behind them.

* * *

Yoshi was panicking internally. This was a _live _documentary. Peach couldn't just jump in and yell "CUT!" when something went wrong. He had to scramble and save what he could, to keep as many people watching as possible.

When he walked into the Smash Mansion, Peach, the camera Frame, and boom mic frame followed him in, and now he had to fix the huge mess given him. It didn't help that Peach was standing behind the camera, giving him a look that clearly meant _"Fix this documentary, or so help me…" _The unsaid threat was left hanging.

The entry hall of the Smash Mansion was bigger than Yoshi's bedroom. A huge stained glass window that depicted a Smash Ball was at least two stories up, and rainbow light splayed through the room. It was already in Peach's plans to film most of the documentary in the room, so their plans weren't even off course.

"I deeply apologize for what just occurred." Yoshi said, his tone ever the same (the beautiful Britishness of it!). "But we shouldn't linger on mistakes, hmm?" Yoshi walked to one wall of the room, where a plush armchair sat, a book perched on the arm. The dino settled into the seat, camera zooming in on him slowly. He then grabbed the book.

"As I was saying previously, Mary Sue is not allowed to participate in the tournaments for one reason." Yoshi held up one green finger. "She is completely and utterly OP. For those of you who don't know what OP means, it stands for Over Powered." Yoshi chuckled, somehow making it sound professional. "If she were to compete in the tournaments, she'd never lose. She's even worse than Little Mac!"

"HEY!"

Yoshi froze. What was happening _now_?

Little Mac himself barged into the camera's view, unopened chocolate bar clutched in one gloved hand. "I am NOT OP!"

Yoshi raised a skeptical eyebrow. "How do you explain all the KOs you get on opponents with ridiculously low percentages, then? Magic?"

"No! I just train diligently. My power with my fists is balanced by my sucky recovery, anyways. All anyone has to do to beat me is toss me off the stage!"

"Yes, if anyone can even get anywhere _near _close enough to you to do so. You have a tendency to camp center stage."

Peach scowled in the background. Little Mac was ruining everything, not to even _mention _the fact her narrator was ignoring his sworn duty to narrate, neither snow nor rain nor dark of night deterring him! She would have to intervene, and that bothered Peach. She didn't feel like getting her new gloves dirty (she had learned there are just some stains that never come out).

"_Little Mac!_" The cry came from off camera, and both narrator and boxer stopped talking to each other to stare at Peach, a few feet away.

"Yeah, Peach?" Little Mac asked, and Peach gave him a sickly sweet smile, still off camera. Better her crimes weren't documented on film.

"Could you come here a moment?" She asked, slowly backing away from the small group.

Unfortunately for Little Mac, he wasn't yet fully acquainted with Peach's deadly fury, and so followed her away, blissfully oblivious as to what would happen next. Hopefully, it would be a lovely funeral.

Yoshi watched them walk away, realization setting in. He had said nothing to the camera the entire time Little Mac was there! Maybe he wasn't the best choice for narrator.

But then he reassured himself that he was awesome, that he was majestic, that he was the YOSHI, and he looked back to the camera.

"So," he eyed the device filming him nervously, "Mary Sue. Yeah. Before you hear any more about her, let's take a look at her past, hmm?" It was Yoshi's honest hope that, if he didn't bring up his previous blatant ignoring of the camera, maybe the audience wouldn't remember.

Yoshi picked up the book that he previously placed in his lap, and opened to page one. The book's cover had beautiful, gold curly script on the front, reading _'The Life and Achievements of Mary Sue'_.

"Let us begin," He slowly was calming down, and held the book open towards the camera (it was a lovely picture book, full color to boot). "One day, a teenaged girl was…"

* * *

One day, a teenaged girl was playing on her Nintendo Wii. The girl had regular blonde hair, and regular blue eyes. Now, this girl was completely normal in the real world. No one really liked her, and she blended into everyday life. The only person who seemed to understand her was her brother Gary, but we'll get to him later.

So Mary Sue picked up her GameCube controller.

"This is the best one," she smiled, "not that stupid Wii controller."

As Mary Sue turned on her Wii, strange purple sparks shot out of it.

"How strange," she wondered, slowly backing from the system. Her only regret was that her one and only copy of Brawl was still inside the Wii. So, despite everything ever taught to her _ever_, she touched the eject button of the still sparkly Wii. A strange feeling passed through her when her finger connected, and she fell to the floor, blacking out.

When she awoke, a blurry silhouette greeted her. She assumed it was her mother or father, or perhaps brother, and she took the hand offered her.

"Are you alright?" the figure asked, and Mary Sue gasped. It couldn't be!

But it was! Prince Marth of Altea, in the flesh! Mary Sue immediately assumed that she was dreaming.

Marth looked her in the eyes, and Mary saw her reflection in his blue orbs. Somehow, she looked… Different.

"Yes, I'm fine," she reassured the dream figure, and he gave her a concerned look.

"We must be sure," he picked her up bridal style, at which Mary Sue squealed.

"Why are you carrying me?" She asked, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"You must still be dizzy!" Marth declared, holding her closer. "It is a gentleman's duty to attend to a damsel in distress!"

"Oh, Marth!" Mary cried happily, "You're-"

* * *

Yoshi's narration was cut off by a banging sound, and the dino's face screwed up strangely as his Elvis wig jolted on his head. The camera Wire Frame zoomed in on the dino's pained face. The Frame didn't know what else to do.

Then Yoshi fell forwards, out of the armchair and face planting on the carpeted floor. This revealed a little yellow Pokémon hanging onto the back of the plush chair, a frying pan in her stubby hands and a devious smirk on her face. She jumped into the chair from behind, and the camera focused on her, Yoshi out cold on the floor.

Pichu grinned, "Sorry for knocking your wonderful host out, but I had to save you from that book's blatant lies." She tossed her pan onto the sprawled, facedown body of Yoshi, and leaned into the camera. "I know the REAL story about Mary Sue and Gary Stu," Pichu smirked, tilting her head to the side, "Would you like to know?"


	3. Chapter 3

**AN- Chapter three, FINALLY! Took me long enough, too :P But, as a plus, this story is actually finished! Yep, I've finished my first multi-chapter story- even if it was _this _one, and not one I started over a year ago (coughcough Super Smash Games coughcough). But this isn't actually the last chapter of this story- the next one is. The next chapter that's already all written out.**

**This chapter is the end of the "Documentary", and the next one, well, I DID promise behind the scenes in the summary ;D**

* * *

Pichu cleared her throat, and the Camera Frame centered her on the screen. There was nothing else to film, and besides, he was curious about the real story of Mary Sue and Gary Stu. Not to mention Peach still wasn't back from murdering Little Mac yet.

"First off," the Pokémon declared, "you should know that I learned this story through my personal experiences, amazing detective skills, and my investigative work. It wasn't easy," Pichu grinned, "but I did it! And now, the REAL story of Mary Sue and Gary Stu!"

The little Pokémon whipped a folder out from behind the armchair, pulling a stack of papers out and clearing her throat before beginning her narrative.

"It was a beautiful day at the…"

* * *

It was a beautiful day at the Smash Mansion. Birds chirped, wind sang, and little creeks gushed over smooth pebbles. This peace was thoroughly enjoyed by a small yellow Pokémon, a small yellow completely _epic _Pokémon, who was sitting on a lawn chair and wearing shades.

"Ahh," Pichu sighed contently, "this is the life!"

A huge booming sound rocked the ground, and Pichu gasped and looked around. "What was that?!" Smoke rose from the mansion, and the Pokémon jumped from her seat. "I have to help!" She declared heroically, before running through the Smash Mansion's front door.

Fire crackled all around her, and Pichu felt just the tiniest bit scared. But, being the heroic, amazingly fantastic Pokémon she was, she swallowed the pebble of fear she had and dove further into the mansion.

Every room she entered was practically engulfed, but Pichu was unfazed. As she entered the sitting room, a cough came from somewhere in the flames. Pichu knew it would be risking her own life, but she also knew she had to help the helpless smasher who had coughed.

"Hello?!" Pichu called, coughing and stumbling through the room. "Is…"

* * *

"'Is anyone there?!'" The camera frame couldn't help but notice how much Pichu was getting into her story. A story the frame didn't really believe. Wouldn't he remember if the mansion practically exploded?

Pichu, meanwhile, was acting out every word she spoke. A crazed look in her eye, she jumped from the chair and ran in circles on the floor, yelling and adding in dramatic coughs when necessary (if the Wire Frame didn't know she was just acting, he'd have thought she was delusional).

"And then," Pichu froze, an intense look on her face as she turned to the camera, "I heard something else!"

* * *

Pichu stopped moving, tuning her ears quickly. For a brief moment, she thought she had just imagined it, that her imagination was running as wild as she was through the flames. But then she heard it again, a raspy call for help that was somehow loud enough to be heard over the crackling flames.

"Who's there!?" The yellow Pokémon screamed, dashing into fire so hot her fur caught aflame numerous times (luckily, she was quick enough to pat the flames out before any permanent damage was done).

"I am." The answer to her question was stated from somewhere to her left, so Pichu whipped around and stopped short.

Standing before her, surrounded on all sides by flames, was a tall human. Her hair was pure gold, eyes bright blue, and it seemed the heat didn't bother her (how was she not sweating?!).

"Who are you?!" Pichu coughed, staring at the woman warily.

The woman smirked, an evil looking smirk. "I am Mary Sue."

And then another explosion rocked the building, an explosion originating right in front of Pichu. The beautiful Pokémon was thrown back, her head whacking off the floor.

"And I am your Superior." Mary Sue stated the fact simply, as if she didn't just cause a massive explosion.

Pichu's now fuzzy vision focused on the evil woman before her, and the Pokémon found it in her to stand up.

"You'll never rule me!" Pichu declared, steely gaze boring into Mary Sue. "I-"

* * *

"I control my own destiny!" Pichu screamed, waving a stick she pulled out from behind the plush armchair and fighting an evil Mary Sue only she could see.

The camera frame had obviously already figured out that Pichu's story was fake, but he couldn't help but be enraptured with the Pokémon's animated story-telling.

"And then Mary Sue laughed evilly!" Pichu jumped at the camera lens, her eyes wild, "And she starting morphing into an alien!" The Pokémon cackled, jumping back into the armchair and going quiet, as if she never even told the story.

"Wait, Mary Sue is an ALIEN?!" The voice came from behind the camera frame, and he spun the filming device from focusing on Pichu to face the newcomer.

"Yep," Pichu nodded, popping the 'p' in 'yep'. "Got dat right, Mr. Wind Waker."

Toon Link's eyes were wide with discovery, and he ran to the base of the armchair and knelt before it. "Woooow! Link always told me Mary Sue was the offspring of Demise himself, not an alien!"

Footsteps came from behind him, and camera frame yet again spun the camera around.

"Mary Sue isn't any of those things," Ike waved a hand dismissively, "I was always told she was a chicken farmer."

Pichu frowned, "So what, the alien offspring of Demise grew up, came to earth, and became a chicken farmer?"

Ike grasped his chin, deep in thought. "Uhh… Yeah."

"Woooow," Toon Link's eyes sparkled with amazement, "I wonder if that means her chickens are alien too?"

It was Ike's turn to widen his eyes. "ALIEN CHICKEN?! I MUST FIND THIS NEW SPECIMEN!"

With that, the mercenary ran out of the front door of the mansion, screaming phrases such as "Alien chicken" and "the possibilities this could have for chicken consumption".

"Well, glad he's gone," Pichu smirked, before turning back to the camera. "Would you like to hear the story of her brother, Gary St-"

A familiar sound rang out, the sound that had rang out when Yoshi was knocked out by a frying pan, and Pichu's eyes rolled back in her head as she tumbled off the chair. Toon Link screamed and immediately began attending to the unconscious Pokémon.

"Payback," Yoshi grumbled in his buttery British, tossing aside the very frying pan that Pichu used on him. "Now, let's get back on track!" He said, not even bothering to apologise to his viewers this time around. Instead, he just picked up the book he had started to read earlier and sat back down in his chair.

The camera frame zoomed in on the dino's face as Yoshi picked up where he left off…

* * *

"Oh Marth!" Mary cried happily, "You're real! Well and truly real!"

"That I am," Marth flashed a handsome grin, and Mary Sue felt herself being oh so attracted to him.

When the blue-haired prince carried her inside the Smash Mansion, Mary gasped. It was beautiful! With soaring archways, and delicately woven carpets, she was almost completely out of breath!

"Who's that?" A voice came from somewhere to the pair's left, and they turned.

Mary Sue's heart exploded.

There, standing in a spotlight with sparkles and confetti dropping around him, was the perfect man. He was practically glowing.

"LINK!" Mary Sue lunged from Marth's arms and tossed herself into the Hylian's waiting ones. "You're so amazing!"

"No," Link smiled, "you are."

Mary Sue blushed, and declared humbly, "No I'm not. I'm but a lowly human from Earth- You shouldn't feel the need to compliment me so!"

Marth, though slightly jealous, was glad that Mary found true happiness (that didn't mean he wouldn't fight to his last breath for her hand, however). "You are so humble, Mary!"

Mary Sue blushed even further, burying herself in Link's arms. "No, I'm not," she said humbly, "you two are far more humble than I!"

* * *

He really wanted to stop filming. He really, truly wanted to stop filming. The camera frame was absolutely done hearing about how "humble" everyone in that sham of a story was. Seriously, if that was how the true Marth and Link acted, he would've strangled them himself.

"And then the two swordsmen fought for the lovely Mary Sue's hand in marriage," Yoshi read, holding up a picture of Marth and Link dueling viciously, "and in the end, they both died. So Mary, in her grief, found comfort in Ike, who she ended up wedding one week after Link and Marth's duel. The End," Yoshi closed the book softly, as if he just finished reading _'Goodnight Moon'_ to a five-year old and not '_The Life and Achievements of Mary Sue__'_ (which included much more violence than previously expected) to every video game universe in existence.

"So, for everyone out there, that was the _true _story of Mary Sue," Yoshi stated, eyeing Pichu distastefully, "not whatever lies that Pokémon spilled while I was… Incapacitated. Now, for Gary Stu's story."

Toon Link pouted at Yoshi briefly before turning back to fanning Pichu.

Suddenly, the doors of the mansion burst open with a great '_CRACK!' _and a certain double eye-patch frame came running in.

"I CAN'T SEEEEEE- OW!"

"NOOOOO!" Yoshi screamed quite Britishly as the frame he had blinded earlier crashed into the camera frame and, more importantly, the _camera_. Said device then proceeded to fizzle and pop as it banged off the floor. And then the lens cracked before falling out. And the little red light that meant the camera was still filming dimmed before going completely out.

* * *

"…" The entire Koopa family was silent, staring at the static fizzling on their home television. Not a sound was made for an entire minute after the documentary ended, until Mother Koopa sighed.

One of these days, she was going to learn her lesson and realize cable was _never _trust-worthy. High time to find a DVD player.

* * *

**AN- Remember, one more chapter after this! It should be up within a few days, so be on the lookout! If you enjoyed this chapter, reviews are ALWAYS welcomed, as is constructive criticism! :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN- The last chapter! Wow, this feels like a momentous occasion; it's the last chapter of the first multi-chapter story I've finished on this site! Though this story was just written for a bit of fun and to parody something parodied many times before- Mary Sue and Gary Stu- it was actually a ton of fun to write, and I hope everyone had just as much fun reading!**

**Thanks to everyone who's supported me on this story or any of 'em: I appreciate it a LOT (seriously, without you people, I wouldn't have nearly as much fun writing as I do)! And now, without further ado, the epilogue! Hope you enjoy! :D**

**(also, sorry about this being a bit late. I got nervous about posting it, for numerous reasons. One of them being I realized this isn't _really _behind the scenes, more like commentary. I'm sorry for the bit of false advertising, and I hope that doesn't put too many people off. :P)**

* * *

The interview was about to start. Peach squirmed in her chair nervously. She was perfectly fine directing a show, but starring? That was a whole 'nother can of worms. Especially since this was behind the scenes stuff for the DVD release of her documentary (somehow, Master Hand agreed to let them release it on DVD. Maybe he thought it'd make a good cult classic or something).

The camera facing her slowly beeped to life, and the frame sitting across from her (just behind the camera) cleared his throat.

"So, Miss Peach," he started, "why did you decide to direct a documentary on Mary Sue and Gary Stu?"

"Well," Peach started, "first off, you can just call me Peach! None of that 'miss' stuff; makes me feel old!" The princess laughed slightly forcefully, her nerves showing plain as day, and the interview frame raised his eyebrows.

"…Right," he deadpanned, "Now. Back to the question."

Peach swallowed nervously. "Of course. Well, I actually decided to make a documentary on them because I was curious about them. They're just so mysterious! No one I talked to _really _knew much about the two, besides the fact no one could defeat them in a tournament if ever they were to join. So I went to the library, and found the book that Yoshi read to everyone watching, and was so interested in the pair I thought others might be; thus, the idea of a documentary to spread the knowledge I acquired came into being!"

"I see," the interviewer nodded, seemingly disinterested in what Peach was saying, "now, what do you have to say to all the people involved in making the documentary?"

Peach smiled, "That's easy! For everyone that did well, thank you! For everyone that didn't..." Her eyes darkened, though her smile stayed put, "Make sure to watch your backs!"

* * *

"What was it like being a narrator, and being able to speak for the first time?"

Yoshi (still wearing his bathrobe and wig) stared at the interview frame, before clearing his throat to say the most eloquent sentence in the history of mankind.

"Yoshi yoshi, yoshi yo-" Yoshi stopped midsentence, realizing the pill that had given him his silky British voice had finally worn off. Before he could even react, some random female wire frame came from the wings and tossed a translator pill at his face. Yoshi caught it, swallowed it quickly (but not too quickly, as he learned the hard way the _last_ time around), and opened his mouth yet again to speak the most eloquent sentence in the history of mankind...

* * *

"Why did you feel the need to interrupt Yoshi reading the story about Mary Sue?"

Pichu gave her wire frame interviewer a look that obviously meant _'duh'_. "Because that book was full of lies!"

"And the truth was your story about Mary Sue being an alien?"

"Of course!" Pichu was getting animated in her interview, leaning forward in her chair and grinning eagerly, "You see, it was a long and arduous process to acquire the information I did. The research I performed coupled with my own experience leaves me knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, _exactly_ what Mary Sue truly is!"

Interviewer Wire Frame glanced at his notes. "The alien offspring of Demise who came down to Earth to create a chicken farm?"

"Nah," Pichu smirked, "only Ike believes that bit about the chicken farming."

* * *

"But of course she is a chicken farmer!" Ike declared, straightening the tie he wore (this was a formal event for him- he had to dress accordingly). "You see, my parents always told me stories of Mary Sue and her chicken farm. Every day, she worked diligently to cultivate and grow the juiciest, plumpest chicken specimens she could! Now that I know she was an alien, I know exactly why they were the best chicken around- the chickens were alien too! This discovery has made gigantic leaps and bounds in the chicken consumption industry!"

The wire frame's eye twitched. She didn't know how much more of this she could take.

* * *

"What do you _mean _I died?!" Link shot out of his seat, causing his head to go out of the camera's view. All it saw was his hands waving around wildly. "I'm as alive as you are! Look, flesh and blood! Do I _look _dead to you!?"

* * *

Marth furrowed his brow, eyeing the interviewer strangely. "Who's 'Mary Sue'? And you're saying I fought Link to the death over her hand in marriage?"

The interviewer nodded.

"…Who comes up with this stuff?"

* * *

Toon Link's bottom lip quivered. "Pichu almost died! I was so scared! Please, Mr. Interviewer, let me go check on her health yet again!"

The frame shook his head, "Not yet, she's perfectly-"

"Bye!" Toon Link shot out of his seat and out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

"-fine."

* * *

"-And that is why I know that Mary Sue is an evil alien from outer space," Pichu smiled, leaning back from her long spiel.

The interviewer was leaning forward still, having been completely enraptured with the Pokémon's story (even though he knew it was completely and utterly false).

The door to the room whipped open, whacking into the wall with a loud thwack and scaring the frame half to death.

"Pichu! Are you alright?!" Toon Link asked frantically, looking Pichu over for any life-threatening injuries.

"Hey!" She tried pushing him away, but to no avail. "Get away- stop- you st- don't touch me- GET OFF!"

Toon Link screamed (quite a high-pitched scream, mind you) at Pichu's loud outburst, stumbling backwards and falling onto the interviewer's lap.

Pichu smiled innocently, "Next question, please!"

* * *

"And you say she has a brother, Gary Stu?" Marth questioned, looking to all the world completely and utterly befuddled. "What does that have to do-"

The door opened, and a steaming Link stormed to Marth's side, yanking the prince out of his seat.

"SEE?! HE'S ALIVE TOO! WE'RE NOT DEAD! _I'M_ NOT DEAD! Let's go, Marth, these people are creeps!"

And the Hylian dragged the prince out of the room, ignoring the confused, panicky yells emanating from his friend.

The interviewer sat there for a second, shocked into silence, until Link stormed back in and stared right into the camera lens.

"And by the way, MARY SUE IS THE OFFSPRING OF DEMISE, SHE IS NOT SOME PRETTY WOMAN!"

* * *

"So, how have you been dealing with your sudden onset of blindness?"

Double eye-patch frame sighed softly, his lips pulled down in a frown. "Well, it's been a struggle. You see, I worked for a publishing company before my-" he paused, thinking of how to most politely word what he was thinking, "-my _accident_, and I was a proofreader there. Now, I can't read. I'm blind." A stray tear leaked out from his right eye-patch. "I'll have to learn Braille, which will take quite some time, so that'll be at least three months off of work. I'll have to pick up a few extra shifts at the factory where I have a part-time job, too..."

The female wire frame interviewing her fellow suddenly found it very hard to see her subject through her own plump tears.

"Then, of course, there's the impact it'll have on my family." The frame's bottom lip started quivering gently, "You see, I have two children, both little male wire frames. One of them is missing both of his legs, however," he sniffled, "and the other is missing his head. It's been a real struggle for us."

Yep. She couldn't see anything through her tears- nothing at all.

"I don't know how they'll hold up. You see, just last year their mother died. Not only has it been hard on us," he bit his lip to hold back the sobs, "but it's been hard on her too. Adjusting to being dead, well, she's just really having a hard time of it."

The female wire frame couldn't hold back any longer. She lunged out of her seat and clutched onto double eye-patch frame, sobs wracking her thin frame. "I-I'm s-so s-s-sorry for y-your l-loss!"

"Me too," he patted her back gently, hot tears leaking from his eye-patches, "me too."

* * *

"The chicken is actually quite an interesting bird, if you think about it," Ike said, whipping out a pair of reading glasses and perching them on the tip of his nose. "For instance, the chicken goes extremely well with various condiments when cooked. It is a subspecies of the red junglefowl, and is obviously domesticated. It's scientific name is gallus gallus domesticus, and it is…"

The interviewer frame was whacking her clipboard off her face. _ I wanna be unconscious. I wanna be unconscious. I wanna be unconscious…_

* * *

"So, what exactly happened to Little Mac?" The frame questioned, leaning forward in his seat slightly.

Peach froze, sweat dripping down her face. "…Would you believe me if I told you I sent him to McDonalds?"

* * *

The tape stopped rolling, and Master Hand found he couldn't tear his gaze from the screen. The wire frame who pieced together the footage for the "Behind the Scenes" part of the DVD (which had numerous features besides the interviews) looked to the hand expectantly.

"…That was all of the best footage?" His deep voice questioned incredulously.

"Yep," she nodded, "that was everything I could salvage from the interviews that wouldn't either bore viewers half to death or scar them for life."

Master Hand paused. "I'd hate to see the stuff that _didn't _make it on. Also, what happened to make you include almost no Yoshi segments?"

"The translator pill made him start speaking Swahili. No one knew what he was saying, and we couldn't find the Swahili translator frame- I heard he's vacationing in Morocco. Not to mention the fact we ran out of translator pills."

"Ah, I see. And why was Link so sensitive about people thinking he was dead?"

"He found Majora's Mask theories a few weeks back. He hasn't been the same since."

"Oooh. Someone really needs to take those things off the internet."

Then there was silence. As the quiet reigned, the frame finally got up the courage to ask something.

"Master Hand?"

"Yes?"

She took a breath, "What's the real story of Mary Sue and Gary Stu?"

The hand turned to look at her, and the frame would later swear that, if Master Hand had a face, he'd be indifferent.

"Oh, them? I made them up for publicity. They were never real."

"WHAT?!"

Both the frame and Master Hand spun around to see a hoard of people in the doorway of the right hand's office: Link, Marth, Toon Link, Ike, Pichu, double eye-patch frame, Yoshi, and most terrifyingly, _Peach_.

The princess practically had steam leaking out of her ears as she stormed forward, stopping inches from the hand. "YOU MADE THEM UP?!"

"…Would you believe me if I told you that you heard wrong?"

Pichu stepped forward, frying pan in hand. "GET HIM!"

Master Hand felt sweat pooling in his glove. _Please say I get a lovely eulogy._

* * *

**AN- Any info Ike started spewing about chicken was found on the internet (except for the whole condiment thing, heh); if it's incorrect, my apologies.**

**Thanks for reading, it's much appreciated, and reviews/constructive criticism are ALWAYS welcomed! :D**


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